Infertility A-Z

A) Age when you started TTC:  Me,23 Him,24

B) Baby Dancing or Sex: What's that? Sex to make a baby? That's crazy!

C) Children wanted: He wants 6--I want minimum 3(I want a huge family), but at the moment we're praying to just get prenant with one!

D) Dog/Cat/Fill in Children:  We have 3 dogs: Ally (shnoodle) 6months, Bella(lap/shepherd mix) 3, Coal(maltipoo)3

E) Essential oils/ Vitamins/ Snail Oils: Nope--

F) Fertility meds I've taken: Clomid and Follistim

G) Gain: gained 10lbs this last IUI cycle! YUK!

H) HSG (Hystosalpingogram): Unfortunately yes. Tubes open but left one showed scar tissue!

I) Infertile Pet Peeves: The usual I'm sure.

J) Job title: Me:Unit Clerk on the mother/baby unit(i know,i know--shoot my now! lol),Him: Firefighter/Paramedic

K) Kids name you're afraid will be taken by the time you have kids: BOY:Mason Ray GIRL :Hayden Grace and Ava Brooke

L) Length of time TTC: 2 years

M) Miscarriages: yes :(

N) Number of times you've switched OB/GYN's, RE's: 4 times (went from GYN to OB/GYN then 2 RE's)

O) Ovarian quality: good they say...

P) POAS or wait for AF: POAS...but last time AF showed her ugly face before I could get my hands on one!

Q) Quote from an obnoxious fertile: "Dont worry...You dont have a problem(getting pregnant) until its been a year"...hmmm its been 2--now what?!!

S) Sperm: Rockstar sperm..in DH's words..."im off the charts!" haha

T) Time tried naturally: 1 year

U) Uterus: So far so good

V) Vagina:  I'm a bit sick of getting dildo-cams and speculums shoved up it, truth be told.

W) What baby stuff do you have already:  A copy of What to Expect that I bought when I was pregnant--and a closet filled with neutral baby clothes that is now shoved in a draw...had to get rid of it when I had my miscarriage. :(

X) X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey?: At first it was just DH and I...now I have been more open--I needed support from our families. So both sides-Immediate family only know. I have been open with the fact that Im having trouble TTC but not too many details.

Y) Yearly Exam. Yes. Which reminds me..lol

Z) Zits: No.Thank the Lord.
  
That was fun...I wanna hear yours! :) Comment with your A-Z!**also...where is the "R"?! hmmm-anyone know what the "r" would be?!

Happy ICLW!!--June

Welcome!! If this is the first time joining--thank you for stopping by!! :) I am new to the blog world~so this is my first ICLW week! :) YAY! I love all the comments and support. It sure makes you feel less like you are alone on this journey and more like you are part of this "society"! :) I like to think we are the "special" women that God thought we were strong enough to go through IF! Anyways--here is a summary of our TTC journey:
August 2001-met this *amazing* man, that would later be my better half,in junior year math! ;)
June 2003- finally starting dating
October 2007-got engaged!
November 2008-Happiest day of my life! <3 Got married!!
June 2009-threw out birth control
July 2009-October 2009-hmmm something isnt right?!!-visit GYN (I worked there!) :)
October 2009-start Clomid 50mg-BFN for the next 3 months(including increasing dose to 100mg)
Febuary 2010-FIL diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer-stop all meds~concentrate on being with him
April 2010-start Clomid 100mg again
May 2010-BFP!!! :) EDD: Feb 25,2011
July 2010-8 weeks 2days--started bleeding--went into dr's office and ultrasound measures at 5weeks2days
July 21,2010-Misoprostol to start miscarriage :( worst.day.ever!!!!! Baby Kimerling is now our angel baby!
July 26,2010-At hospice with father in law for the next 6 days--still bleeding from miscarriage! :(
August 2,2010-FIL went to be with the Lord! :( We miss him SO much!
September 2010-Feb.2011-All BFN's! :(
March 2011-Visit our 1st RE-ran every test under the sun-fired him(too far away/making false promises)
April 2011-Visit our 2nd RE-LOVE.HIM!!! :)
May 8,2011-Mothers Day--and AF shows up--go figure!
May 2011-medicated IUI#1-BFN
June 2011-natural cycle and saving money for IUI#2

*WOW--if your still here your seriously the best!! :) Sorry that is a long time line..so after 2 years of TTC im praying,and wishing,and hoping for our BFP soon!
Thank you again for visiting and hopefully following us in our journey! Leave a comment if you wish so I can give support back! :)

On Hold...

..that is where our infertility journey is right now;"on hold". While I would have LOVED to continue with this month we decided it would be best if we saved up alittle money and then continue. At first I was having alittle problem with this. I thought that taking a month off would kill me! I don't want to wait any longer--I have already waited 2 years! I was really upset when M talked to me about waiting. I didn't understand why we had to wait(I know it was for money but I didn't want to think anything but trying this month.) I am so worried that the longer we wait, the less chance of me getting pregnant would ring true. After talking with M I felt that better with waiting. I about died when I had to cancel my appointment for my baseline ultrasound;I'm not gonna lie! When the receptionist asked me "do you want to reschedule?"-I shook my head yes(I was on the phone) and said "no just cancel thank you".
I have actually had a lot of peace this month. I haven't looked to see when ovulation would be--I'm just enjoying having my husband back! :) He is finally done with paramedic school and for the first time in nearly 9 months we are eating dinners together!(its the little things right now!). My schedule has changed to me doing day shift so I am home for dinners! We had the best weekend last weekend(yes 2 whole days together!) All we did was go grocery shopping,re-arranged the living room furniture,just little things around the house! I cant believe how fast this month is going by!
My birthday is in 2 weeks and that totally freaks me out! I will be...26! eek!! That's scary! I am getting older and no babies! :( It just hurts alittle more each year getting older and no children! :(
I'm hoping that we are going to do next month (July)--but I'm ok with waiting too(<--weird I just typed that and was actually OK!) :) I guess God really has listened to my prayers for peace and patients for these next few months!

CD1

Yes that's right! It started! :(
I have been SO good in not testing~I guess I knew deep down that it didn't work. M wanted me to test early,but after researching other blogs I have seen,they don't test until much later. I didn't want to put him through torture if it was too early. So last night we went and bought tests-and by "we" I mean "he" went inside--yes I'm that wife that is even too scared to go inside and buy them! I don't like looking at them,I really don't like anything about them...unless there are 2 lines!!! I was thinking about testing this morning. So before I got out of bed I looked over to M and asked him "are you sure you don't want me to test this morning"--he said no! Well I went to the bathroom and AF showed her ugly little face!! :( I was devastated..kinda in shock really! I went back in to tell M and he was just as upset!
I feel SO bad. I feel like I am letting everyone down. Its so hard to have to tell everyone that knows I'm doing this cycle "No sorry I'm not pregnant"...
"Yes I will be taking more time off of work"...
"Yes I just waisted two thousand dollars just for a 'chance' at getting pregnant like a 'normal' women"...
"sorry honey your NOT going to be a daddy this month"...etc.
And the look I get--tilted head and a "aww I'm so sorry".
I called M on my way to work and he is really upset. He is asking "why is it SO hard for us to get pregnant,when there are 14yo's getting pregnant and people that don't have a home having babies"!? Talk about break my heart! I want to "fix" my body. I want to make him a daddy-because lets face it he is going to be THE.BEST.DADDY.EVER! I have NO doubts! I want my parents to be grandparents. I want my grandma to be a great-grandma. I feel like I let everyone down with every "negative".
I have these thoughts that I know these IUI's aren't going to work and we are going to have to end up going through the BIG beast IVF. I guess that's why I haven't broken down and cried a tear yet(although the end of the day hasn't come and I will see my hubby and probably start balling) today.
Sorry this post is more of a "venting/rambling" post...just wanted to get some feelings out.

**tomorrow is my baseline ultrasound. Lets pray there are no cysts left over from last cycle!!

Nothing....

That is what's going on with me these days! I am totally dreading this 2WW!! Its awful! I mean they know how crazy us infertiles are and then they put us in this 2 weeks of waiting and don't expect us to go crazy?! I have been driving myself AND my hubby crazy! If I'm not asking him"honey~do you have a good feeling about this?" then I'm asking him "Do you think I should just test anyways?!". Poor thing! I seriously have an amazing hubby! With every cramp I'm worrying! Is this normal?! Is this a symptom?! Is this just gas!? What--whats up with the cramping?! And my boobs have been extremely sore too~but ever since the trigger shot they have been. Again..is this normal?! I'm going crazy over here!!

I am currently 9dpIUI. I have been researching,asking around trying to figure out when am I "suppose" to test?! My husband has totally banned me from testing any earlier than 13dpIUI. BUT you know what he doesn't know wont kill him right?! ;) I'm TRYING my hardest not to test. I don't even have a test at home(I am so proud of myself!) I am dying to know if it worked,however I do not want to see a negative!! I will be SO crushed. I find myself wondering why I'm not immune to seeing 1 line or "NOT pregnant". Why would it upset me to see 1 more negative when I have seen almost 2 years of negatives?! It doesn't make sense! Anyways, basically the point of this post was to inform you that....nothing is going on and that I'm driving my hubby up a wall!! :) Totally normal right?! :)