Ok--I know I have been MIA but SO much has been going on--that I don't even know where to start!
So the last time I blogged, I just finished my first IUI cycle. Holy roller coaster that was! It totally drained us mentally,financially and physically(I gained 10lbs from that cycle-ugh!)...any hoot--since then I have been loving spending my days/nights at my friends house who just had triplet boys on August 17th! :) Talk about holy roller of emotions. I was SOO thrilled to be able to be there when she delivered(I work at the hospital on the mother/baby unit--I know shoot me now-lol). It was such an awesome experience to be able to stand outside the OR doors and listen to not 1 but 3 babies crying! I have never heard anything so beautiful! :) We were all so excited waiting for them to come out! Baby C( Jacob) had to be sent to the NICU-only to return within 27hours of being delivered! YAY!! Baby A(Drake) was 4lb 7oz...Baby B(Ross) was 5lb.0.5oz...Baby C(Jacob) was 4lb 8oz. Talk about the cutest babies I have ever seen! O I could have loved on them all day long! :) I have been spending all my nights that my husband works(he's a firefighter and works 24hour shifts) with them and let me tell you--I'm ready for multiples! :) I have been peed on,pooped on,spit up on-you name it I have probably had it on not 1,but 2 or 3 shirts of mine! LOL
I think I need to explain how my friend and I became friends because I think it is so special! Her husband and mine grew up together in the church. So they basically grew up together--they lost touch after they all went their separate ways because that church went to poops. Anyways, years later we still live like 20 minutes from each other. Well I was telling my friend S about the problems I was having with infertility and was complaining/moaning--you know the usual,Why Me?-blah,blah...and she suggest I talk to this girl she knows S(also named S). I was very worried at what S would think of a random stranger asking how she got pregnant and how this whole infertility thing works(I had no clue about this whole world of infertility--I seriously thought I was the only one with this problem!) Well 1 message on face.book led to another and we decided that since our DH's haven't seen each other in awhile that we should have dinner--we met at a local restaurant and the rest is history! We have become so close and I can't think of any other reason to explain our friendship but fate! Seriously we all just "click". They are so fun to be around.
I think one of the things that means the most to me is the fact they don't realize how much they are helping ME! I know that sounds crazy-I'm suppose to be helping them with 4 boys under 2 years of age,but in fact they are helping me cope with the fact that I'm not a mom yet. I know I am DYING to be a mother and hopefully one day my dream will come true! But no matter how many times I drive home only to cry myself to sleep or cry all the way home because I long for that love and those words"mommy" to be uttered,I know I love those babies and am enjoying every.minute.of taking care of them! Everyone says "Hey mommy Tristan" when I walk through because I treat them as my own! I love those boys SO much and am SO grateful to have S and W in my life--I don't think they will ever really understand how much they have helped me!
Ok--enough with the tears--lets get on with the reason for the title of this post...22..
22 marks 22 days until I get to start my next medicated IUI cycle!!! eeeeek! :) I couldn't be more happier! We realized that come October I had my 'open enrollement' for insurance at my job--only to really realize that the lesser of the 2 insurance plans my hospital offers actually pays for the IUI meds!! again...EEEEEEK! :)
SO--come Oct 1st (exactly 22days) I will officially be able to start my cycle.--please start praying now! :)
**On another note--I have been dealing with some sadness lately. I just want to know when the bitter/sad/hurt-ness goes away when someone close to you tells you they are pregnant?!Any and all advice/comments/feelings are welcome!!! I really hate the fact that infertility has turned me completely bitter/sour/mad ect. I don't want to have to put on a brave face every time someone tells me they are pregnant.
~Reason I bring this up is DH's best friend has been married for a year less then us and just announced that they are 12weeks pregnant. Total shot to the heart! Every single friend DH grew up with has had a baby except for him! I totally feel guilty like its my fault he isn't a dad! :( Ugh-I hate feeling like this!
Ok-end rant!! If you are still with me,you are the best! I'm sorry this was just a mess of a blog but I just had to get some stuff off of my chest and what better way than to announce we are starting another cycle! :)
Exciting stuff coming up for you!
ReplyDeleteAs for hearing about other pregnancy news, I can totally understand. From experience though, it does get a little easier as the pregnancy moves along. That's not to say that there won't be any hard moments obviously, but as time goes on I think your mind just adapts to it.
When my cousin told me she was pregnant I cried in bed for an hour. I kept my distance from her for a few months. Then I saw her, we had a big talk, and I was able to feel (a little) excited for her, which was huge progress. Now, she's days away from delivering and I'm ok with the whole thing.
It does get better..it just takes time.