15 weeks

How far along? 15 Weeks1day

Total weight gain/loss: Still down 4 pounds.

Maternity clothes? Yep!! I just need to find some on sale! :) Or I might just go broke!

Sleep: LOVE.SLEEP! lol. I know this only lasts so long so I am taking every advantage of it. I am *trying* to not take naps everyday--but lets face it I am just plain exhausted!

Best moment this week: Hearing my babies heartbeat for the first time!!!! Wow.best.moment.EVER!!! :)

Movement: Still early---but I *think* I felt it kick me the other day when I was laying down..totally freaked me out! Hopefully I will feel Miracle move/kick soon! :)

Food cravings: French fries from outback!! O they make my mouth water! :)

Gender: Still unsure--Daddy think wants a boy...mommy thinks a boy--but want a girl! ;)

Labor Signs: NO!!! And don't want any for months!!

Belly Button in or out? In..that will be awhile until that happens,I think I have one of the deepest belly buttons lol.

What I miss: Nothing!!

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the Gender!!! *Please Miracle just uncross your legs for a moment so Mommy and Daddy can figure out what you are--Mommy is dying to buy girl or boy clothes!"

Milestones: Made it to 2nd trimester! :) I am one happy momma! (<--did I just say that?--that is me? Wow it still is so shocking to me! Not going to lie it still scares me to admit that I am pregnant! I think I feel if I say something then it will be taken away from me!) :(

Weekly update 14weeks!!

How Far Along: 14 weeks today (going into our 15th week!)



Baby's Growth: 




Mama's Body: Welcome to your second trimester! Your energy is likely returning, your breasts may be feeling less tender, and your queasiness may have completely abated by now. If not, hang on — chances are good it will soon be behind you (although an unlucky few will still feel nauseated months from now).

Maternity clothes: Absolutely. The pants are to.die.for!! LOVE them!

Sleep: Its all I do right now. I take 2 hr naps!! (Don't get me wrong I LOVE my naps but I am kinda ready to have the energy back to get ready for Miracle). If I don't/can't fit a nap in then I am in bed by 8:30pm. I do notice that when I wake up my back is hurting and I'm thinking about buying a pregnancy pillow--any suggestions are welcome!

Best moment of the week: Hello 2nd trimester!!!! :)


Movement: Still too early--although every twinge,pull,tummy growl I pray its Miracle! :) Wishful thinking??--I think so!!

Symptoms: Nausea is in full blown effect! It seems to be getting worse as I get further along in pregnancy--lets pray that it stops lets say,this week? And does NOT continue the whole 9 months! Whoa-that would total knock me on my butt! Sore boobs always. Diarrhea is still in full effect! :( It's NOT fun. I can tell you-I would go through all of this in a heartbeat,I'm NOT complaining here! :) I'm starting to get alittle "pooch"-still at that--"Is she pregnant or just ate one too many burritos stage". :)

Food cravings/aversions: The past couple weeks sour things have been amazing,but now I'm onto chocolate! :) I LOVE soft serve chocolate ice cream. I HATE the smell of melted cheese. You can forget spaghetti--don't get me near it! lol. French fries and cereal have been my cravings the past couple weeks.(Pray for me--lol)

Belly button in or out: Still in... it'll be a while.

Stretch marks: None,lets keep it that way :)

What I miss: Absolutely nothing! I LOVE being pregnant!!

What I am looking forward to: Our appointment on the 17th! I'm DYING to see Miracle again!!!

 

Weekly wisdom: Don't roller blade while pregnant--who knew?? :) oops!! *Luckily I didn't fall but I guess I really didn't think that one through!

Gender: Still unsure. Daddy thinks wants a boy,Mommy had a dream it was a boy--but I think im going with everyone else and say it's a girl.
The top of your uterus is a bit above your pubic bone, which may be enough to push your tummy out a tad. Starting to show can be quite a thrill, giving you and your partner visible evidence of the baby you've been waiting for. Take some time to plan, daydream, and enjoy this amazing time. It's normal to worry a bit now and then, but try to focus on taking care of yourself and your baby, and having faith that you're well equipped for what's ahead
This week's big developments: Miracle can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. Miracles kidneys are producing urine, which he/she releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process Miracle will keep up until birth. He/She can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.Miracle is stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches —About a size of a lemon—and Miracle weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His/Her body's growing faster than his/her head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his/her arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His/her legs still have some lengthening to do.) Miracle is starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Miracle's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his/her spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel its tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active

A long waited post!!!!

Wow--my life has been such a crazy one lately...I hope to be able to catch everyone up. First off Im SO sad that I haven't been blogging as much as always-but I can tell you I still read your blogs every day! :) I promise I will be better at blogging!!

I have been waiting SO long to write this post!- I wanna start with where I left off. We were waiting results and hoping for our BFP. I was SO incredibly nervous excited to find out if our second IUI worked. It was 12dpIUI and I was pretty sure it didn't work. I had emailed a couple of my IF bloggers and asked them when they started testing. They ALL said to wait to atleast 12dpIUI. So that night my husband was laying in bed watching tv eating chips and I quietly came in and just layed in bed with him. I kept thinking that I wanted to take a test that night (it was 5pm), but I knew the results could come back negative even if it was postive because it was still so early. (my doctors office requires you to take a HPT and if its positive then they will give you a blood test.) Well I asked my hubby if I should take a test--he quickly said "why not?". I immediately said "are you crazy? It's 5pm and you are suppose to do it at the first morning pee." He looked at me and politely said "Then why did you ask ME". Hmm--thanks for NOTHING! :) So then I said "thats it I'm going to take the test right now" and jumped up and ran to go grab the test from the kitchen(I hadn't put them in the bathroom yet--too tempting to leave in there and NOT pee on them! lol). I was walking to our bathroom and he looked at me and said "please don't--I don't think it worked and I don't want you to be upset". (insert puppy-dog face,poor guy he just doesn't want to listen to the tears anymore,I don't blame him at all!); anywho--I assured him I wouldn't hysterically.sob my eyes out, cry too much if it was negative. I took the test and the room went silent. I walked into the bedroom and he had stopped eating his chips and the tv was on mute(or paused,can't remember). We just stared back at each other for what seemed forever. I told him it had been like 2 minutes and he quickly reminded me that it takes 3 minutes to read!! I was WAY to nervous to wait-so I walked into the bathroom and looked at the test...I walked back into the bedroom with my mouth covering my jaw and my eyes were the size of cantelopes. He said "what does that mean"...the next words changed my life forever.......OMG-it.worked!!!!!!!!!!!! :) We cried for what seemed hours! It was the most wonderful thing ever! I couldn't have asked for a better moment!! We found out on Oct. 28th that we were going to be parents! :) Thank you everyone who has prayed/called/texted/emailed!! I seriously could NOT have gone through this with out you! I can't believe we won the fight against infertility!!
Im so sorry I didn't post this earlier--but I wanted to wait until second trimester!! :)

Here's the our life through bullet point until I update:
**Our due date is July 9th--my birthday is July 3rd so I could possibly have the BEST birthday gift ever!
**We went for our first ultrasound when I was 6 weeks2days and the baby already had a heartbeat! :)
**We have named our bundle of joy...miracle. (original huh?-lol)
**We find out what we are having next month! :) eeeeek!!!
**I am 14 weeks today.
**I passed my early glucose screening!! :)
**We hit second trimester people!!!!!!!!!!

Again thank you for all the love and support we have recieved for the past 2 1/2 years as we were fighting for our little miracle--and now in just 6 months we will meet our little miracle!! AHHHH!! :)


*I will try to update with the rest of the stories/weeks as time goes on!!

Fire away

Holy moly--today is trigger day!! OMG--I can't believe this cycle is going by SO fast! My last cycle I did almost 15days of shots(follistem) and this cycle I have only done 7! Im a week ahead of last cycle--hopefully that means something because last cycle didn't work! :( I PRAY this one works and Im so nervous for this IUI. I am almost to the point that I don't want to test so someone can't tell me that im NOT pregnant. It kills me everytime I see that "not pregnant" on the pee stick. Total shot to the heart :(

So today I got my bloodwork drawn and my E2 was 1678!! I also had my ultrasound and my left ovary is rockin it! I have a 17mm,15.5mm and 14mm! O please let one of these be my future baby?! :) the nurse called today and confirmed that they would trigger me today at 5pm! My IUI will be sunday morning at 8:30am. I have to go to work afterwards! :( NOT excited about that at all-but I only work until 3pm --so I guess I can go into work for 4 hours! : /


*please keep me in your prayers and I will update on sunday how the IUI went! :)

Results..

This morning I had my first E2 draw--results came back at 282! WHOA mama!! As I look back at my last cycle here my first estradiol draw was 81! Huge difference! This cycle is totally different! I don't really know what to expect--my expectations are set high and and hoping/praying that this is MY month! I will do another list view of this cycle to compare--because again lets face it,im def OCD when it comes to my "cycles".

**On a VERY happy side note, I went to the pharmacy friday to pick up my other 600unit follistem and the pharmacy said that it was 'covered' and that I didn't have to pay anything....ajjnfkajbjbakjfnajksgakg!!!! EEK! :) Can you believe it?! I wasn't stopping to ask questions I said "ok-thank you very much! Have a blessed day!" ;) And off I went with my FREE liquid gold!! How freaking lucky can you get?! I know all you ladies out there that have paid a bagillion(yes that is a word...in my book!) dollars for follistem,totally understand the total shock and excitement in my fingers as Im typing this! :)

Reminders...

So today I hit huge, alittle bump in the road today when trying to fill my meds at the pharmacy. It closed at 7pm,my doctors office closes at 5pm. I was at the pharmacy at 3:30pm--and of course it hits the fan an hr and a half before they close. Seriously?! If something bad happens it ALWAYS happens to me and when my hubby is gone. He went camping this week...left sunday and won't be back until thursday night. I am SO lost without him when it comes to financial/business/freakouts situations. He's my rock and can calm me down within a matter of seconds!

Anyways--so I go to pick up my meds(my first shot is tonight..holy cow I hate doing them by myself! yikes-pray for me!) and the pharmicist says "ok that will be $687.32".....alksdhfroajnajksdfnakljhsgjnajsenfjnajean<---that is all I was thinking at that moment! OR in Josey's words...HFS! :) I immediately gave her a look like.."Are you talking to me?!" <insert-turning of head and total finger point to the chest> She again said "Yes,that will be $687.32"--now my eyes are the size of freaking softballs! **my insurance should be covering these meds**...SO then she says that I need a prior authorization and that could take up to 3 days.....HFS again--I have to start these meds in like 4hours lady! O if looks could kill--she would be 30 feet under. She said I had to call my *doctor* to get him to call the insurance company(yeah right lady--what dr do you know that will call an insurance company,I mean really?)..and tell them I need this med. She says calmly.."I guess your doctor didn't know you were taking this med".....ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??--every damn nurse in that office knows every women on a cycle you retard--my head is spinning at this point!! I call my DR's office and they said that they have never had to give a prior auth and that they shouldn't have to do one. GREAT--again if something can go bad it happens to me! Like seriously I work for the hospital that the pharmacy is in--I have my work insurance and the DR's office I use is a satellite office for the hospital I work for!!! HELLO PEOPLE LETS GET IT TOGETHER!! SO--to sum it up--DR's office calls me back and says that I have to pay for it first and then the insurance company will reimburse..a.k.a.---pay and then never see that money again!! So I told her I was NOT made of money and that I would only pay for 1 cartridge of follistem and that they better make sure that authorization comes in soon because that 1 cartridge is only going to last me 4 days TOPS!

**ok rant over!! :)
Now to more important things like...my baseline ultrasound appointment!! :)
In one ovary I have 14 follies and the other I have 9...I say one and the other because the resident mixed up my ovaries and was pushing so freaking hard that I couldn't remember which is which--thanks! They are starting me on 100units for the next 4 days and then I go in on sunday for my estradiol to be checked! :) YAY for getting up early for no reason! :) lol.

**next part of my blog was to say that this one post on Tiffany's blog has been on my mind and I can totally relate to it. I posted on fb that "being infertile sucks"--whoa talk about getting traffic on my page! I love Tiffany's post about everything a "fertile" person says. I get told alot and I guess I was having a pitty party and just needed a reminder that Im not the only one dealing with this and that I just need to turn to my blogger friends who truly understand where Im coming from and the hurt/pain/sense of being less of a women that I feel!

If you are still here at the end of this you freaking rock and I love you :)

Here goes nothing!!

Its starting!! :) AF made her wonderful appearance today--actually took me by surprise,I wasn't even finished with my provera and there she was! LOL--It normally takes 2-3 days AFTER I stop provera to make AF show up! CRAZY!

So I called my Dr's office today and I go in on wed for my baseline ultrasound! :) YAY--I really can't believe its happening again! The last time I did a cycle was in May!! Needless to say I am DYING to get this cycle started! I am excited yet still nervous;I have such high hopes and I don't want to be crushed again. I am EXTREMELY scared this one won't work either! I want to go into this cycle excited,not scared! I want to enjoy them as I only have 3 left. (well 2 if you don't include this one im startng in 2DAYS--eeek!) ;) <--can you tell I'm just alittle excited!

Wish me luck!! :)

The start!

Its starting!! :) Yes thats right-I have a new cycle coming up! I started my provera 2 days ago! :) Im SOOO excited! I cannot wait to get this one going. I recently changed insurances and this new one is going to pay for the MEDS!! Yes you heard that right! :) My last IUI cycle cost us $2500! This one will never reach over $1000(I hope!)

I am making a promise today that when I start this new cycle I WILL post more! I LOVE reading everyones blog and sometimes I feel alittle intimated to comment! I don't really know why I feel this way--maybe they will think "who is this chick commenting on my post"?! I love the fact there is this 'comminity' for us infertiles but sometimes Im alittle 'shy'(if thats even possible with everyone behind a computer screen?!) I LOVE comments and encouragement but I don't know how to get my blog 'outthere'<--wherever "there" is! Lol. Anybody else feel like this?! HELP! :)

22...

Ok--I know I have been MIA but SO much has been going on--that I don't even know where to start!

So the last time I blogged, I just finished my first IUI cycle. Holy roller coaster that was! It totally drained us mentally,financially and physically(I gained 10lbs from that cycle-ugh!)...any hoot--since then I have been loving spending my days/nights at my friends house who just had triplet boys on August 17th! :) Talk about holy roller of emotions. I was SOO thrilled to be able to be there when she delivered(I work at the hospital on the mother/baby unit--I know shoot me now-lol). It was such an awesome experience to be able to stand outside the OR doors and listen to not 1 but 3 babies crying! I have never heard anything so beautiful! :) We were all so excited waiting for them to come out! Baby C( Jacob) had to be sent to the NICU-only to return within 27hours of being delivered! YAY!! Baby A(Drake) was 4lb 7oz...Baby B(Ross) was 5lb.0.5oz...Baby C(Jacob) was 4lb 8oz. Talk about the cutest babies I have ever seen! O I could have loved on them all day long! :) I have been spending all my nights that my husband works(he's a firefighter and works 24hour shifts) with them and let me tell you--I'm ready for multiples! :) I have been peed on,pooped on,spit up on-you name it I have probably had it on not 1,but 2 or 3 shirts of mine! LOL

I think I need to explain how my friend and I became friends because I think it is so special! Her husband and mine grew up together in the church. So they basically grew up together--they lost touch after they all went their separate ways because that church went to poops. Anyways, years later we still live like 20 minutes from each other. Well I was telling my friend S about the problems I was having with infertility and was complaining/moaning--you know the usual,Why Me?-blah,blah...and she suggest I talk to this girl she knows S(also named S). I was very worried at what S would think of a random stranger asking how she got pregnant and how this whole infertility thing works(I had no clue about this whole world of infertility--I seriously thought I was the only one with this problem!) Well 1 message on face.book led to another and we decided that since our DH's haven't seen each other in awhile that we should have dinner--we met at a local restaurant and the rest is history! We have become so close and I can't think of any other reason to explain our friendship but fate! Seriously we all just "click". They are so fun to be around.

I think one of the things that means the most to me is the fact they don't realize how much they are helping ME! I know that sounds crazy-I'm suppose to be helping them with 4 boys under 2 years of age,but in fact they are helping me cope with the fact that I'm not a mom yet. I know I am DYING to be a mother and hopefully one day my dream will come true! But no matter how many times I drive home only to cry myself to sleep or cry all the way home because I long for that love and those words"mommy" to be uttered,I know I love those babies and am enjoying every.minute.of taking care of them! Everyone says "Hey mommy Tristan" when I walk through because I treat them as my own! I love those boys SO much and am SO grateful to have S and W in my life--I don't think they will ever really understand how much they have helped me!

Ok--enough with the tears--lets get on with the reason for the title of this post...22..
22 marks 22 days until I get to start my next medicated IUI cycle!!! eeeeek! :) I couldn't be more happier! We realized that come October I had my 'open enrollement' for insurance at my job--only to really realize that the lesser of the 2 insurance plans my hospital offers actually pays for the IUI meds!! again...EEEEEEK! :)
SO--come Oct 1st (exactly 22days) I will officially be able to start my cycle.--please start praying now! :)

**On another note--I have been dealing with some sadness lately. I just want to know when the bitter/sad/hurt-ness goes away when someone close to you tells you they are pregnant?!Any and all advice/comments/feelings are welcome!!! I really hate the fact that infertility has turned me completely bitter/sour/mad ect. I don't want to have to put on a brave face every time someone tells me they are pregnant.
~Reason I bring this up is DH's best friend has been married for a year less then us and just announced that they are 12weeks pregnant. Total shot to the heart! Every single friend DH grew up with has had a baby except for him! I totally feel guilty like its my fault he isn't a dad! :( Ugh-I hate feeling like this!

Ok-end rant!! If you are still with me,you are the best! I'm sorry this was just a mess of a blog but I just had to get some stuff off of my chest and what better way than to announce we are starting another cycle! :)

Infertility A-Z

A) Age when you started TTC:  Me,23 Him,24

B) Baby Dancing or Sex: What's that? Sex to make a baby? That's crazy!

C) Children wanted: He wants 6--I want minimum 3(I want a huge family), but at the moment we're praying to just get prenant with one!

D) Dog/Cat/Fill in Children:  We have 3 dogs: Ally (shnoodle) 6months, Bella(lap/shepherd mix) 3, Coal(maltipoo)3

E) Essential oils/ Vitamins/ Snail Oils: Nope--

F) Fertility meds I've taken: Clomid and Follistim

G) Gain: gained 10lbs this last IUI cycle! YUK!

H) HSG (Hystosalpingogram): Unfortunately yes. Tubes open but left one showed scar tissue!

I) Infertile Pet Peeves: The usual I'm sure.

J) Job title: Me:Unit Clerk on the mother/baby unit(i know,i know--shoot my now! lol),Him: Firefighter/Paramedic

K) Kids name you're afraid will be taken by the time you have kids: BOY:Mason Ray GIRL :Hayden Grace and Ava Brooke

L) Length of time TTC: 2 years

M) Miscarriages: yes :(

N) Number of times you've switched OB/GYN's, RE's: 4 times (went from GYN to OB/GYN then 2 RE's)

O) Ovarian quality: good they say...

P) POAS or wait for AF: POAS...but last time AF showed her ugly face before I could get my hands on one!

Q) Quote from an obnoxious fertile: "Dont worry...You dont have a problem(getting pregnant) until its been a year"...hmmm its been 2--now what?!!

S) Sperm: Rockstar sperm..in DH's words..."im off the charts!" haha

T) Time tried naturally: 1 year

U) Uterus: So far so good

V) Vagina:  I'm a bit sick of getting dildo-cams and speculums shoved up it, truth be told.

W) What baby stuff do you have already:  A copy of What to Expect that I bought when I was pregnant--and a closet filled with neutral baby clothes that is now shoved in a draw...had to get rid of it when I had my miscarriage. :(

X) X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey?: At first it was just DH and I...now I have been more open--I needed support from our families. So both sides-Immediate family only know. I have been open with the fact that Im having trouble TTC but not too many details.

Y) Yearly Exam. Yes. Which reminds me..lol

Z) Zits: No.Thank the Lord.
  
That was fun...I wanna hear yours! :) Comment with your A-Z!**also...where is the "R"?! hmmm-anyone know what the "r" would be?!

Happy ICLW!!--June

Welcome!! If this is the first time joining--thank you for stopping by!! :) I am new to the blog world~so this is my first ICLW week! :) YAY! I love all the comments and support. It sure makes you feel less like you are alone on this journey and more like you are part of this "society"! :) I like to think we are the "special" women that God thought we were strong enough to go through IF! Anyways--here is a summary of our TTC journey:
August 2001-met this *amazing* man, that would later be my better half,in junior year math! ;)
June 2003- finally starting dating
October 2007-got engaged!
November 2008-Happiest day of my life! <3 Got married!!
June 2009-threw out birth control
July 2009-October 2009-hmmm something isnt right?!!-visit GYN (I worked there!) :)
October 2009-start Clomid 50mg-BFN for the next 3 months(including increasing dose to 100mg)
Febuary 2010-FIL diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer-stop all meds~concentrate on being with him
April 2010-start Clomid 100mg again
May 2010-BFP!!! :) EDD: Feb 25,2011
July 2010-8 weeks 2days--started bleeding--went into dr's office and ultrasound measures at 5weeks2days
July 21,2010-Misoprostol to start miscarriage :( worst.day.ever!!!!! Baby Kimerling is now our angel baby!
July 26,2010-At hospice with father in law for the next 6 days--still bleeding from miscarriage! :(
August 2,2010-FIL went to be with the Lord! :( We miss him SO much!
September 2010-Feb.2011-All BFN's! :(
March 2011-Visit our 1st RE-ran every test under the sun-fired him(too far away/making false promises)
April 2011-Visit our 2nd RE-LOVE.HIM!!! :)
May 8,2011-Mothers Day--and AF shows up--go figure!
May 2011-medicated IUI#1-BFN
June 2011-natural cycle and saving money for IUI#2

*WOW--if your still here your seriously the best!! :) Sorry that is a long time line..so after 2 years of TTC im praying,and wishing,and hoping for our BFP soon!
Thank you again for visiting and hopefully following us in our journey! Leave a comment if you wish so I can give support back! :)

On Hold...

..that is where our infertility journey is right now;"on hold". While I would have LOVED to continue with this month we decided it would be best if we saved up alittle money and then continue. At first I was having alittle problem with this. I thought that taking a month off would kill me! I don't want to wait any longer--I have already waited 2 years! I was really upset when M talked to me about waiting. I didn't understand why we had to wait(I know it was for money but I didn't want to think anything but trying this month.) I am so worried that the longer we wait, the less chance of me getting pregnant would ring true. After talking with M I felt that better with waiting. I about died when I had to cancel my appointment for my baseline ultrasound;I'm not gonna lie! When the receptionist asked me "do you want to reschedule?"-I shook my head yes(I was on the phone) and said "no just cancel thank you".
I have actually had a lot of peace this month. I haven't looked to see when ovulation would be--I'm just enjoying having my husband back! :) He is finally done with paramedic school and for the first time in nearly 9 months we are eating dinners together!(its the little things right now!). My schedule has changed to me doing day shift so I am home for dinners! We had the best weekend last weekend(yes 2 whole days together!) All we did was go grocery shopping,re-arranged the living room furniture,just little things around the house! I cant believe how fast this month is going by!
My birthday is in 2 weeks and that totally freaks me out! I will be...26! eek!! That's scary! I am getting older and no babies! :( It just hurts alittle more each year getting older and no children! :(
I'm hoping that we are going to do next month (July)--but I'm ok with waiting too(<--weird I just typed that and was actually OK!) :) I guess God really has listened to my prayers for peace and patients for these next few months!

CD1

Yes that's right! It started! :(
I have been SO good in not testing~I guess I knew deep down that it didn't work. M wanted me to test early,but after researching other blogs I have seen,they don't test until much later. I didn't want to put him through torture if it was too early. So last night we went and bought tests-and by "we" I mean "he" went inside--yes I'm that wife that is even too scared to go inside and buy them! I don't like looking at them,I really don't like anything about them...unless there are 2 lines!!! I was thinking about testing this morning. So before I got out of bed I looked over to M and asked him "are you sure you don't want me to test this morning"--he said no! Well I went to the bathroom and AF showed her ugly little face!! :( I was devastated..kinda in shock really! I went back in to tell M and he was just as upset!
I feel SO bad. I feel like I am letting everyone down. Its so hard to have to tell everyone that knows I'm doing this cycle "No sorry I'm not pregnant"...
"Yes I will be taking more time off of work"...
"Yes I just waisted two thousand dollars just for a 'chance' at getting pregnant like a 'normal' women"...
"sorry honey your NOT going to be a daddy this month"...etc.
And the look I get--tilted head and a "aww I'm so sorry".
I called M on my way to work and he is really upset. He is asking "why is it SO hard for us to get pregnant,when there are 14yo's getting pregnant and people that don't have a home having babies"!? Talk about break my heart! I want to "fix" my body. I want to make him a daddy-because lets face it he is going to be THE.BEST.DADDY.EVER! I have NO doubts! I want my parents to be grandparents. I want my grandma to be a great-grandma. I feel like I let everyone down with every "negative".
I have these thoughts that I know these IUI's aren't going to work and we are going to have to end up going through the BIG beast IVF. I guess that's why I haven't broken down and cried a tear yet(although the end of the day hasn't come and I will see my hubby and probably start balling) today.
Sorry this post is more of a "venting/rambling" post...just wanted to get some feelings out.

**tomorrow is my baseline ultrasound. Lets pray there are no cysts left over from last cycle!!

Nothing....

That is what's going on with me these days! I am totally dreading this 2WW!! Its awful! I mean they know how crazy us infertiles are and then they put us in this 2 weeks of waiting and don't expect us to go crazy?! I have been driving myself AND my hubby crazy! If I'm not asking him"honey~do you have a good feeling about this?" then I'm asking him "Do you think I should just test anyways?!". Poor thing! I seriously have an amazing hubby! With every cramp I'm worrying! Is this normal?! Is this a symptom?! Is this just gas!? What--whats up with the cramping?! And my boobs have been extremely sore too~but ever since the trigger shot they have been. Again..is this normal?! I'm going crazy over here!!

I am currently 9dpIUI. I have been researching,asking around trying to figure out when am I "suppose" to test?! My husband has totally banned me from testing any earlier than 13dpIUI. BUT you know what he doesn't know wont kill him right?! ;) I'm TRYING my hardest not to test. I don't even have a test at home(I am so proud of myself!) I am dying to know if it worked,however I do not want to see a negative!! I will be SO crushed. I find myself wondering why I'm not immune to seeing 1 line or "NOT pregnant". Why would it upset me to see 1 more negative when I have seen almost 2 years of negatives?! It doesn't make sense! Anyways, basically the point of this post was to inform you that....nothing is going on and that I'm driving my hubby up a wall!! :) Totally normal right?! :)

Over the weekend...and the dreaded TWW!

I have been alittle MIA lately-I just have been so busy with daily blooddraws(yes daily!). I think I left off the last post at CD17. My levels have been rising VERY well! So well that they had to decrease my dose back down to 75units! (from CD17 and daily draws CD19 E2 went up to 2231!)
I got the call thursday afternoon(it about killed me waiting!) that I was to be triggered at 5pm that night and then scheduled for 8am on saturday morning for my IUI! (yay!!) I was SO nervous,anxious,name it-I thought it!!
Saturday morning we got up and had to be at the dr's office around 7:50am. We went in and Matt gave his sample. The lab tech said it would be about 40min so we went to starbucks for breakfast. Matt must have thought we won the lottery because we spent like $15 at starbucks--he got like 3 danishes and a venti drink! lol Bless his heart! :) (he was just excited for the day so he didn't know what to do!).
On the weekends there is NOBODY there! Today was no exception,it was matt,me,lab tech,check in girl and Dr. R! Talk about ghost town--it kinda made me feel alittle special that I was the only case for the day! :) Well they took me back and said that Dr.R would be in(dr.r is a female) shortly. She walked in and I immediately asked if everyone said their prayers before she came in and surprisingly she said"I sure did-I never go into a room and do an IUI and don't say a prayer!" :) How awesome is that?! Well she as finishes she says"Think pregnancy thoughts"-she didn't have to say that as I already was! ;) lol
I got home and went straight to bed and maybe got up once or twice until about 6pm~no joke! lol. I was NOT going to take any chances. I had some really bad cramping and was really bloated. I am still having the cramping and am really bloated! :( Everything is just so tender and I don't like it. (I wish these side effects would leave and come back in a week or so-to count them as "symptoms"). Im only 1 day in the 2week wait and I already cant stand the wait!! ugh!! Please let this go by alittle faster!

I hope it works out this cycle! I have such high hopes it will work! Next saturday(6/4) is my blooddraw to measure my progesterone level to ensure that I did in fact ovulate.

Updates!!

So when we left off last time my E2 came back as 140. Well the nurse said that this was for sure *my* dose (meaning 100units). So thats good that they were able to find the dose that my body will respond too;bad news is that just means more money next month!! :( O well-whatever it takes right?! So with all that said my E2 came back as 260!! Thats a great response!! :) I had an ultrasound friday morning and we got our first look at my little follies-they were so cute! :) My mom went with me because Matt had to work. The nurse had me write all the egg sizes~I felt like I was ordering prints(8x10,8x6)lol..but the good ones were 2 9.5mm and 2 8mm and then like 15 under 8mm.

So fast forward to today~had another bloodwork and ultrasound appointment! Ladies and Gents...we have a rockstar eggie! (*please Lord let this be our little baby we have been waiting for!!*)..She(because I want a girl-lol) is 14mm and on the left side! I guess when I was going for the ultrasound I never thought my left side would even work;when I had my HSG done he said there was some scar tissue on that tube and I just assumed because of that I wouldnt have any good eggs-I guess I was wrong!! Well we have another one on the right thats a good size too--11mm. :) Dr Wonderful says that once we get the E2 results then he will decide if I will have another ultrasound tomorrow and possibly trigger on tues and IUI on thursday! Wow this is really happening! Im so excited! I will update with E2 results later!! :)


**UPDATED: nurse just called and E2 is..wait for it...wait for it...681!!! :) yay!! Possible trigger tues night and then IUI on thursday!! eeek!! Matt has to work so pray he gets the day off!(and me too!)

E2 went up!!

Yes folks it went up! YAY! The nurse called yesterday and said that my estrogen went up to 140! I need to continue my same dosage (100). I am scheduled for bloodwork and ultrasound friday! Im SO excited~we will finally get to see if my follies are growing. But we only want 2-3 rockstar follies! :) I can't believe we are already at this point! I am trying to enjoy this cycle! We are really hoping this is the one and only cycle we have to do,but we understand if God thinks we need another cycle. I am really learning to count on God and know that he is in control. Its all about His plan! I just hope His plan is around the same time as *my* time! lol. I will update with complete measurements tomorrow!! PRAY,PRAY,PRAY! :)

In list view,because lets face it,im OCD.

OK: Just for my records (sorry boring post but just needed to see it incase this month doesnt work and I need to compare cycles)

CD1: 5/8-sunday
CD2: 5/9-ultrasound (confirmed PCOS ovaries); 15 follies on right ovary and 8 on left ovary
CD3: 5/10-begin follistem injections at 75units for the next 4 days then go in for bloodwork
CD6: 5/14-bloodwork draw-E2 at 83. Nurse says stay at 75units for 2days(great response)
CD8: 5/16-bloodwork draw-E2 at 84. (boo!). Nurse says body not responding-increase to 100units.
CD11: 5/18-bloodwork draw- E2 at 140.
CD13: 5/20-bloodwork draw-E2 at 260! (yay!)
         ---Ultrasound shows: 2 follies at 9.5mm and 2 at 8mm
CD15: 5/22-bloodwork draw-E2 at 681! (holy hormones have hit!)
         ---Ultrasound shows: left side 14mm(<--our little rockstar!) and right side a 11mm
CD17: 5/24-bloodwork draw-E2 at 1067(so good they decreased my dose to 75units)
         ---Ultrasound shows: left side 11mm(dont really know what happened to our rockstar-diff.dr so??) right side has a 13mm rockstar!
CD18: 5/25:bloodwork draw-E2 at 1773(continue on 75units tonight)
         ---Ultrasound shows: left side 14mm(our rockstar came back!!) right side has 15mm!!
CD19: 5/26: boodwork draw- E2 at 2231--trigger away at 5pm!!
         ---Ultrasound shows:left side 2 15.5mm follies and on the right side 18mm!(<--rockstar/hopefully future baby kimerling!)
CD21: 5/28: IUI at 8am! :)
CD28: 6/4: bloodwork draw: progesterone at "over 20"
CD33: 6/9: AF! :(
           

I feel like a human pin cushion

Thats how I feel these days. Let me start from the beginning. After our initial consult with Dr.B (1st RE we visited that is about 2hrs away);I was alittle concerned that *if* we had to do IUI or IVF I would have to travel several days a week,2hrs oneway. He was very nice~we had alittle hesitation with him as he *promised* he could get us pregnant by the end of the year"if we could afford it",and that I would lose 20 pounds in 2 months without even trying! That made me have alittle concern thought,who promises these things to a VERY hormonal,emotional women?! ANYWAYS,we decided to go to a RE here in our town about 20mins away. So lets call him Dr.wonderful! :) He was recommended to me from a friend that got pregnant and had a cute little baby boy and now she is pregnant with triplet boys!! Lets all pick up our jaws off the floor! lol.
We had our first appt on April 1st(go figure~im like if they pull a april fools joke and tell me im pregnant I will lose it!*more on this later);with Dr.Wonderful and it went great. I was SO laid back,in fact with my first RE appt with Dr.B I had everything,and I mean everything,mapped out-stack of questions-everything. Well this appt I had forgotten everything! I was a mess! Anyways they did just a few more vials of blood because Dr.B ran every other test under the sun-but forgot a few tests(44vials to be exact). Dr.Wonderful has a *slower is better* take on things,which is fine by me if that gets me the best results. I love the office~I actually work for this hospital so its definitely beneficial for me~also,did I mention I work on the mother/baby unit?! ;) yes infertiles be jealous--NOT! The only thing thats awesome is the fact that the residents that work with Dr.Wonderful also work with me on the floor *insert HUGE smile*.
OK--back to the pincushion...fastforward to Mothers Day(I know,I know,shoot me now <--this will be a whole entire post I will comment about later)...I was suppose to have AF visit me on May 3rd,well that came and went and no AF. May the 8th-aka Mothers Day, lo and behold AF decided to make an appearance. So starts CD1-woohoo!! Called Monday morning to get scheduled for an ultrasound. Went in at 12:45(hubby got to come-thankyouLord!). Ultrasound showed that my right ovary had 15 follies and left ovary had 8 follies. (Dr wonderful only wants 2-3eggs when they do the IUI). I asked him if my ovaries looked like "PCOS-ish ovaries"..YES! Welcome to the club for me! No cysts(again thankyouLord). So all is a go for starting my shots!
Dr.wonderful said because of my age and diagnosis,he wanted to start me on 75units of Follistem. So for the first 4 days I needed to dial up 75 and on day 5(sat morning)come in to get my blood drawn to check my estrogen. Estrogen came back at 83. YAY-nurse says that is a good number-remember they want me to go slow-so she says to keep at 75units for the next 2days and then come back on monday for bloodwork again. Estrogen came back 84. BOO-NOT what we wanted to hear! :( She said that now she can say that my body isnt responding to the lower dose so she said to start that night on 100units and come back on wed again for more bloodwork. *pray that things go better and my body starts responding to the meds*